Saturday, April 6, 2013

Loneliness

You can have all the wisdom of the world, all the answers to every question ever asked... You can be free with your spirit, mind and body. You can have a wonderful life, great people surrounding you. You can smile, laugh and be happy with little things, pleasant moments, dear people... But it's all worth nothing when you go home and lay in an empty, cold bed. You're so cold your bones freeze and the silence is so loud you must cover your ears not to hear it.

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Prove Me Right!


When I look back to my previous relationships I can say that all of them ended in exactly the same way. See, I am a very patient, tolerant and understanding person. I am always trying to see only good in people. You know... It's easy to look for flaws, it's easy to blame someone for something they did. Harder part is understanding their reasons, talking, solving a problem.

In all of my relationships, I was the one who always took care of solving problems, the one who was always ready to talk things through... I almost never had a fight with my partners, I hardly ever yelled at them. I strongly believe you can make people understand something without yelling at them. When I think more carefully, each relationship I was in had just one fight in which I yelled at my partner. It was usually the point when all the borders of my tolerance are more than crossed. After those fights, my partners would become angels, most kind and most loving people in this planet. So I don't know why do I still believe that a nice, civilised conversation can solve the problem.

Anyway, with or without yelling, there was just one thing that I simply couldn't stand. A lie! Small, big, intentional, unintenional... LIE! All of my relationships ended because my partners lied to me, or cheated on me which is the same. All of them were ended peacefully. I never told them I knew about their lies or affairs. They believe I left them because I stopped loving them. Yes, it might sound a bit rough or evil, but... I just didn't know any better than that. I simply didn't want to go through that phase when they would try to get me back and say even more lies in the process.

In some cases it was hard, in others it wasn't. But I never tried to go back... And then, there was always "the 6 months phase". Why 6 months? Average time each of them needed to gain courage and try to talk to me. Mostly, they were wondering how is it possible that I ended it just like that and never called. I guess they thought that woman who hates fighting doesn't have an attitude. Or maybe they were just so sure that I am so understanding that I would be able to understand a lie? I can't really tell... All I know is that forgetting someone isn't a matter of time and circumstances. It is a matter of decision!

All the fairytales gone bad... Now I want just an ordinary story... Two people living together, arguing through joking and teasing each other about the most unimportant things in this world. Is it possible? I believe it is. Even with everything that I've been through, I still believe that there is that one person who can understand what I want even when I don't yell, person who would appreciate my efforts, love me for who I am without asking me to change... Person who would respect me enough to leave me instead of cheating on me.

Do you exist somewhere out there? Have I already met you or I am about to? Whichever the case may be, I think you should hurry to cross my road. Make me stop and see the world with you by my side. Prove that all these years of waiting for you were worth it. Prove that life can be more beautiful than it already is. Prove me right!

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