Wednesday, October 30, 2013

That I Would Be Good


I woke up feeling like millions of butterflies were fluttering in my stomach, excited by the thought this is the last day of his visit. Tomorrow he will be gone...
Hours passed as I was waiting for a call from my sister to tell me I can come over. I finally arrived there to find out that he is still asleep. Minutes seemed like eternity. And finally I heard footsteps through the hall and water pouring in bathroom. I knew that I will see him in no time and my heart started beating faster, my palms were sweating, I felt like I'm running out of air... But no, he stayed in shower for an hour. Sixty minutes of agony for me. And at last, he entered a room looking at me with those confused brown eyes and wearing his wonderful smile, he started stammering and said "You look beautiful!" And from that moment on we didn't stop talking to each other... While we had coffe, during dinner, when we went out, on our way home... It's so strange that I remember every moment and every word, the way he looked at me like no one before and no one after him...


Minutes and hours of time spent with him turned into months and years of waiting to meet him again. I have described those moments so many times that I can't think of anything new to say. The feeling is always the same, a cup full of emptiness sprinkled with a dash of hope. It's all I have. And now when I am days away from meeting him I'm scared. I'm not scared of him or things that will happen. I'm scared of coming back to a life without him... And I have no other option but to fully enjoy time with him and believe that I would be good...

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Never Again

Never Again
(by Miroslav Antic)

Never again will I be able
to exchange myself, like this, for small change
without asking anything in return.

All of a sudden,
I’m a wobbly stairway
over which spinal cord, in herd
from the scull
to soles,
is mooing and falling headfirst.

All of a sudden,
I’m so terribly old,
old with the paws that are reaching out for
and screaming.

All of a sudden,
I’m so terribly funny
like a traveling theatre.
And disgraced
Like a monastery after rape and robbery.

*translated from serbian to english by