Wednesday, October 18, 2017

A girl who loved you

Once upon a time... Yes, it actually seems a fairy tale long ago.
There was this girl who fell for a man and got herself a broken heart. Such a story has been told so many times in so many different ways. But never like this.

As many other girls, this one was also insecure, low on self-esteem and in a lack of feeling that she was worth loving. It's never hard to impress girls like this. All you have to do is be kind. A nice word, warm gesture and she's head over heels, all the way in, entirely, completely, endlessly in love. With you, with the idea of who you might be, with the pictures of your perfect life together. The ones she herself made in her head, of course. And she made herself hurt and suffer in an agonizing pain. And none of it was your fault. It was all her, a hundred percent.

She was the one who let you in, she was the one who trusted, she was the one with high hopes and expectations. She wanted a more beautiful life, but at the time couldn't realize there is no movie-like love in reality. All she got were disappointments, sleepless nights, feeling of suffocating in this cruel, miserable life of hers. So she started looking for comfort, for new kind words, for someone to share time with. All she got was loneliness in a company of distant men. As if like she chose them not to like them. Oh, and life was so generous in giving her everything she didn't want.

Why? Because she didn't know what she wanted. She was so lost and hurt that she unconsciously stopped wishing, stopped dreaming... And she blamed you for it. Because you offered a handful of dreams and then took them all with you. I think that sometimes she even hated you. And I know you probably would hate yourself too if you could only for a moment feel everything she felt back then. But don't... Please.

The cause of all the chaos is just a single flaw in her beliefs. You see, she believed only other people could make her happy, make her feel loved and complete. And of course she had to learn the hard way. Of course it took time, but she made it. She became a woman who knows that no one but herself can give her greater and more beautiful love, that no one can make her so happy as she can.
A trapped little girl became a free woman who by loving you to the point of self-destruction miraculously found a way to love who she is.

And she did it all by herself - the girl you loved a fairy tale ago.