My Brightest Star

For more than a year now, I've been thinking about death and the way it affects our lives... Totally wrong! We spend our lives scared of death. But why? Instead of enjoying every moment with dear people, we live in fear they won't be here some day. Well, of course they won't be here, it is natural thing. One person dies, another one is born. So simple!

I have a three year old daughter and the only thing I would really like to teach her is to appreciate life as it is - a miraculous gift I gave her. To live with all ups and downs, in harmony with her soul. Every day spent with her takes me back to my childhood. Some memories are nice, some are not. But I remember well all the things that I wanted to have, but never got. For example, an afternoon walk with my parents and my brother or a sunday picnic with them. I don't remember any of that. We did things together, but those were visits to our family in another town or some birthdays, weddings or other celebrations. For me, it wasn't good enough. I just never payed attention to it.

I was taught to want it all. Big house, fancy clothes, expensive car... Want it all and never care about the way I get it. So shallow. Luckily, I had a great piano teacher who taught me so much about life, much more than about music. I can say it was the best way my parents ever invested their money. Also my english teacher in high school. She was the only teacher who cared what kind of people all of us will become, what is it that she is sending out to the world. Thank them both for everything they taught me.

So, in one of my thinkings about death, it crossed my mind... I am almost thirty years old and I have nothing. No house, no car, no designer clothes... And I don't even have a decent job. Strong reasons to begin feeling desperate, but once again - NO! See, the person I loved the most (before I got my daughter) died several years ago. My granny. Yesterday, I was cleaning up closets and throwing away stuff my mother's been saving for many, many years... And I found a big bag full of my granny's clothes. She didn't take any of it with her. :) My granny was poor and happy. She made best dishes I ever tasted although many of them lacked some ingredients. She had the softest hands that ever touched my face (except my daughter's). She had only one pen and one notebook that I could play with. Only thing she knew to draw was a goose, but I always made her draw it for me again and again and again. She couldn't read fluently so I was always reading poems to her before we fall asleep. She didn't have a TV so I often listened to clock ticking to fall asleep. She didn't have many of the things people now can't imagine their life without, but she had one thing many people now don't have - a heart filled with purest, kindest and truest love for life and people and everything that surrounded her!

She is the person who taught me that love is the only thing that counts.