I stop being sad and be awesome instead! Well, not me. I do try to look at the bright side, but I don't like artificial happiness. It's scary... Artificial happiness is just a good mask your sorrow wears.
I might be having problem with not being able to cry, but I don't have a problem with being sad. Here's what I do when I get sad... I eat chocolate, lots of it... Well, I generally eat a lot when I'm sad. It usually lasts for days. I listen to emotional music, I watch sad movies. I do all of it in order to start crying which never happens. Then I get mad at myself for not being able to change that. And when madness is gone, I feel sad again. So I just listen to sad music and let the pain owerwhelm me until the point when it stops hurting.. Then I look deep into my heart and try to find a piece of hope, that tiny little thing to get me moving, the particle of life that gives me courage and strength to make it through... And I win, every time.
I really win! I don't feed my pain with fake positive thoughts. If I did that, my pain would come back someday, totally unexpected and much more stronger. I think people who avoid feeling pain and sadness are being somehow dishonest with themselves. I don't look for the bright spot in the black day. You know why? Because I allow myself to have feelings. I allow myself to have a bad day sometimes, to be in a mess, to be in my dark place. I allow that to myself because keeping balance between good and bad things is what makes me feel. This life is beautiful with all ups and downs, with black and colored days, with sadness and happiness... Life is beautiful if you allow yourself to feel it.
I might be having problem with not being able to cry, but I don't have a problem with being sad. Here's what I do when I get sad... I eat chocolate, lots of it... Well, I generally eat a lot when I'm sad. It usually lasts for days. I listen to emotional music, I watch sad movies. I do all of it in order to start crying which never happens. Then I get mad at myself for not being able to change that. And when madness is gone, I feel sad again. So I just listen to sad music and let the pain owerwhelm me until the point when it stops hurting.. Then I look deep into my heart and try to find a piece of hope, that tiny little thing to get me moving, the particle of life that gives me courage and strength to make it through... And I win, every time.
I really win! I don't feed my pain with fake positive thoughts. If I did that, my pain would come back someday, totally unexpected and much more stronger. I think people who avoid feeling pain and sadness are being somehow dishonest with themselves. I don't look for the bright spot in the black day. You know why? Because I allow myself to have feelings. I allow myself to have a bad day sometimes, to be in a mess, to be in my dark place. I allow that to myself because keeping balance between good and bad things is what makes me feel. This life is beautiful with all ups and downs, with black and colored days, with sadness and happiness... Life is beautiful if you allow yourself to feel it.
I agree. Many people find pride in their ability to say, "I'm okay" and smile like it doesn't bother them when they're actually hurting inside. That can be a form of strength, but it's dishonest. I accept the storm in the knowledge that it shall pass, and when asked if I'm okay I say in confidence ... "I will be okay"...or "I'm still breathing, that's gotta count for something". I'd rather accept and embrace it than cover it up. But, it's viewed by many as a weakness to wear the emotion rather than hide it. C'ese la vie.
ReplyDeleteExactly! :)
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